I Get It

This confusion is not what I need
it's not what I want either
What I'm searching for
I can't get from you

You make me feel so good
then turn away when you are done
you manipulate me
and make me think you really mean it
but I know many like you
you can't trick me
I knew it from the beginning
when we first talked on the phone at midnight
You tell me I need to be good, really good

it's not going to work and you know it
You told me so
stringing me along like nothing

I've done that too
I tell them I love them
make them think I will be with them forever
then when I don't get what I want
I get rid of them

I'd say easy as pie
but they like to fight it out.
question me and make it harder to just go
but you said you love me!
we all say things we don't mean

You tell me we have nothing
you don't even know me
how can you judge on the first few days
of knowing a person

I know what I am
I know what I am capable of
What your doing to me,
I might be falling for it
and I even put up with it
I may continue on
but one day there will be a
breaking point

what are you going to do then?
slap me
choke me
sit on me
??

I want you so bad right now
I would do whatever it takes to keep you
but what is the point
it's just going to hurt in the end
I don't care if it hurts you more
you say you can never hurt me
but I think thats a lie
to keep me around
you know, not scare me

but i'm already scared
because I know this pattern
I grew up with
I watch tv
I know what to do
I can let you do what you want
but it will fuck me up

how am I suppose to live
knowing that one minute I say no
and you kick my ass?
beat the shit out of me
nobody will know

actually that's not true
few will know
I told them about that
how you are mean

You are gosh darn lucky
I didn't have marks on my neck the other day
that could have ended badly

I want so much to be with you
I really think I just miss guys in my life
so I will do what you want

I just want to know
why do you come back?
what makes me good enough to want me more?
is it because you can't get any elsewhere?
that's what I am thinking
but I can't do anything about it

Why call me and text
tell me not to come around again
and then a few days later call me back
nevermind I know

I just wish that this didn't have to go like that
I can't change it either
I wish I could
I wish I could go back to the second day
I wish I didn't come over
I wish I didn't let you cuddle with me
I wish a lot

and I guess that is my problem
I'm still too nice
no matter which way I go
if i'm mean, I'm a jerk for a little bit
then I'm nice all the time,
even when I am trying to be mean
I say I'm going to give up
but we all know that's never going to happen

I listen to happy love songs
and think of you
but then I listen to
Eminem
his song love the way you lie
it makes me think of you
and that scares me
how do I not feel that way
How can I be with you and not get beat up
How do I make you love me
like I need to be loved?

Oh God I need to be alone right now.
I hate being around people when I write depressing shit
Time to think

this weather is killing me
Rain in Alaska in the middle of winter
WHAT THE FUCK
So I am stranded at Rhonda's
I'm mean, I love her to death and all,
but sometimes she is a bit much

The roads are so icy.
We talk about icy roads all the time,
but this time is different
I'm talking 2 inches of ice on the roads.
Tomorrow isn't any better
the forecast says it's going to continue to rain.
wonderful

My Thanksgiving this year is ruined
I wasn't looking forward to it in the first place
it's over rated
My dad and his girlfriend forgot to get the turkey
who the hell does that??
If they don't get a turkey by Wednesday,
I'm not going over there
I'm gonna go crazy if they ruin this any more