Saturday morning.

Woke up at nine and got ready to eat breakfast.
Ate breakfast then got ready for swimming.
Went swimming and then took a shower.
Packed up stuff and checked out of the hotel.
Cleaned all the snow off my car.
Stopped by my dad's house to take the cakes to the fundraiser for Berto.
Then found out there was a funeral instead.
Got so stressed I called Josh and told him I was on my way.
Halfway there, a cop was in the middle of a ditch. That's some funny shit!
I was crying while driving.
Josh called, heard my voice, and asked what was wrong.
I told him I was just sad from the funeral.
"Well, I'm in bed naked. Here's what I want you to do when you get here. Come to my room and lock the door. Then strip down and cuddle with me."

How could I refuse such an offer? The rest of my day got better. But then Josh started texting and that just ruined everything. He was playing Need for Speed, and he called me baby. haha it was pretty cute, but I'm trying to not see anything in it. I know he doesn't mean it. He almost made me blackout. We were wrestling and he had me in a position where I couldn't breath.

I know it's wrong for me to think, but part of me wishes he would beat me up. It's sick, I know. But all my life, I've been abused and saw a lot of things that I shouldn't have. It has made me partially believe that it's ok to be abused. I know it's wrong, sick and disgusting.